This was written by my father.  This year he suffered a serious cardiac event.  This was written as a presentation to his Marriage Encounter Group.  He may ramble more than I do.

Each year Barbara and Harry ask themselves how they are going to celebrate each other’s birthday.  Many times it is a relatively quiet event, most likely involving a special food event, or when we were more energetic, a few days at the Cape.   January 15, 2009 was to be no different.  Little did we know what was about to be a very unusual day.  The saga actually began a day earlier although we did not realize it at the time.

January 14 began routinely, with a scheduled anemia shot, an IV vitamin drip and a need for a blood transfusion at St. Francis Care.  But there was not enough time and the blood transfusion was postponed to the next day.  We drove back to Granby and lamented that tomorrow’s visit to St. Francis Care was a lousy way to celebrate a birthday.

We drove back to Hartford the next day, parked the car in valet parking as usual and went in to receive the blood transfusion, a new deal for Harry as he could not remember ever receiving a blood transfusion in 73 years.  The transfusion was to be followed by an appointment with the doctor who had inserted the fistula to prepare Harry’s arm for dialysis.  He got tested for a blood match, hooked up and his usual nurse, Judy, explained the precautions  and started the drip, while Barbara occupied herself knitting, three steps away from Harry’s chair.  Barbara was to keep an eye on Harry to make sure he didn’t get blotches on his face or react in any way.  It is usually pretty dull at the hematology unit.  The unit urgently needed some excitement and  that day, got it.

Ten minutes into the transfusion, Barbara noticed Harry was trying to say something to her and got up to move closer to hear.  Without any advance warning his heart stopped!  Barbara called attention to the nurse nearby, a few words brought attention to at least 6 professionals nearby, and Barbara was ushered to the adjacent waiting room.  One of the nurses was assigned to remain with Barbara until Harry was stable.  To be learning of this event was like incredible hearsay to Harry, but Barbara assures Harry that it really happened.  Barbara has a very unique memory chip on her brain of January 15th , 2009 that will never be erased.

Focused frenzy erupted as multiple professionals tried to demonstrate their expertise (to possibility avoid a malpractice lawsuit).  Later on we will tell you why this was not idle chatter.  Not only did they generally abuse Harry’s body to get his heart started, they had the audacity to cut off his clothes. (He don’t usually do that in public).  We are now into the story deep enough that Barbara proved that marriage is a state of unconditional love.  Barbara downplays it, but Harry could not talk let alone move, and certainly was in no loving mood that he was aware of.  She was there for him, a bit out of her mind, but never the less she was there.

She was strong and with the help of a wonderful St. Francis Care staff and some judicious phone calls, was able to let the outside world know that Harry was celebrating his birthday in a much unanticipated manner.  (Full disclosure:  This document may be fantasy because Harry lost two to three days’ memory but has regained some of it with input from various sources - some reliable others questionable.)  When Barbara first was allowed to see Harry, he was unable to get words out, and with staff were running in and out taking tests, Barbara assured Harry that he was going to be okay.  Just let the staff complete the necessary tests.  Barbara was sent back to the waiting room with his cell phone (hers was dead as usual) to make some phone calls.  Pretty soon Harry’s stepson, Ray, and our minister entered my hospital room, summoned by Barbara’s phone chain.  Harry had no recollection they were there.  Seeing that Harry was clinically alive, had regained his ability to speak and general comprehension, Barbara and Ray decided to do what people do on special days - go out to dinner!  (Ray didn’t think it was such a good idea for his mother to get behind the wheel of a car after such an ordeal, so he drove her home and picked her up the next day to return to the hospital.)  Harry’s food the first day was not appetizing - two IV drips.  More full disclosure:  St. Francis Care’s charges for room and board from January 15th through February 4th  were over $111,000, negotiated down to $25,000.  It was extravagant considering most of the food was not edible which Harry detailed in a hospital survey.  The diet on the cardiac floor was not to Harry’s liking and very different from the kidney diet.

The next day began at four am with a test for brain damage and testing continued sporadically to determine if any damage was done to any organs.  Because of Harry’s memory loss, any conversation he heard was like a young lad hearing things for the first time.  One element interested him profusely.  Harry was the first hematology patient to konk out in the last ten years of blood transfusions.  The very next day, a gentlemen getting a transfusion did the same thing. Harry’s somewhat confused mind quickly queried whether there might be a problem with the blood and/or the procedure.  This bothered us for many days, even to this day.  We believe it bothered the hospital staff too.  They repeatedly said they did not know really what happened, but the battery of tests led Harry to realize that they were a bit worried as they were never able to recreate the event.

Harry’s kids showed up the following weekend from CA and TX for four days and they were key to my regaining a sense of how important family is but they recently told him how awful he looked, how he was “out of it.”  They flew back home very concerned and Harry’s daughter said just the other day that she was convinced he was not going to make it.  Harry mentioned this to Jay and he did not disagree.  Other visitors at the hospital included Barbara’s children by phone and e-mail, and the brother of Harry’s ex-wife.  I was not visited by any bill collectors, which impressed him.

The unconditional love aspect began to sink in again.  Barbara was at the hospital every afternoon, except the day of a snow storm and Harry was scheduled for a test that afternoon.  Barbara does not  like driving into Hartford,  but we have developed a good relationship with the valet parkers, fueled in part by generous tips.  Barbara’s presence was very important and several of the doctors shared thoughts and asked if Barbara agreed with Harry’s decisions.

By the second week at Camp St. Francis, all possible tests, probes and inhumanities were exhausted.  That let the real show begin!  The kidney doctor in maybe a marketing effort to enhance his cash flow, “sold” dialysis.  He said that Harry was full of uremic poison with the nasty stuff surrounding my heart and filling my lungs.  He doesn’t recall ever purchasing this pesticide at Beman Hardware nor ingesting it.  The doctor made a strong attention getting case - get rid of it or you will die.  The dialysis treatments began on January 27th.  There are downsides (regimented diets, etc.) and one upside to dialysis, which is eventually you don’t have to pee anymore. This makes a long nonstop auto trip to Pittsburgh to visit Barbara’s family possible (at least for Harry).

The next salesman entered Harry’s room hawking pacemakers, several varieties depending on your craving for options.  For example one can have the usual concealed model or to complement one’s cell phone, one that clips to the belt.  Harry chose the cheapest, under the skin deal, and so far, guess it works but Harry cannot detect it.  The pacemaker was “installed” on January 28th, but his heart needed to be “shocked” to get his heart in sinus rhythm before he left the hospital.  Harry’s cardiologist says it is called upon 76 percent of the time.  Thank goodness it’s not a toll call.  One downside is that cannot ever have an MRI, nor would it be prudent to insert his right arm into a microwave.  The upside is he can tell Barbara that any heavy lifting around the house is off limits.  Hey, you got to take what you can get.

Finally on February 4th Harry got kicked out of the hospital with stepson Bill and Barbara getting him safely back to Granby.  Barbara’s concern, love and affection continued at home and Harry was smart enough to do nothing to discourage it.  She kindly drives him to and from dialysis which is an effort for her because she is not a morning person and we leave the house around 6 AM.  God bless her.  Because Harry lost consciousness, and has a pacemaker, a CT state law says he is not allowed to drive until May.  Freedom!!  (And back to motor vehicle speed limits; Barbara‘s too quick behind the wheel, and like a NASCAR driver, tends to “bump draft“ the car driving erratically ahead of her.)

Harry says that tethered to a dialysis machine is a lot like being married.  Whoa!!  There are rules and regimentation along with immense benefits.  We both thank God and those who prayed for us, and the professionals who were “professional“.  That is a blessing!  What we are committed is to help those in similar situations as we have been so ably assisted.